Elevator Antics
by Ezra's Girl
Summary: A short fic that finds Ezra, Vin, Buck, and JD trapped in an elevator.


Elevator Antics  
by: Ezra's Girl  
  
Disclaimer: Don't own any of this. The ATF universe isn't mine either. I'm not making any money off of this, so don't sue.   
  
Summary: A short fic that finds Vin, Buck, Ezra, and JD trapped in an elevator.  
  
Author's Note: This is actually my second venture into the ATF universe. My first, though is still under construction. This is suppopsed to be a funny story, but I'm hardly an impartial judge. The idea came to me when in the elevator at school, if you call that death trap an elevator. I didn't get stuck, but it got me thinking about what would happen if our boys got stuck in one. Here is the result.  
  
  
Elevator Antics  
-----------------------------  
  
"Hold the elevator." Vin shouted.  
  
"Come on then, Vin." Buck called out.  
  
Vin stepped into the elevator that already held Buck, JD, and Ezra, "What's the hurry, Bucklin?"  
  
"He's waiting for Colleen to call." JD mocked in a sing-song voice as the doors slid shut.  
  
"What on earth is all of that which you have in your possession, Mr. Tanner?" Ezra asked.  
  
"M' lunch in here," Vin said holding up a white plastic bag, "and snacks for my stash." he concluded pointing to a larger brown paper bag.  
  
"That which you call your lunch, is it from last week?" Ezra continued raising a critical eyebrow.  
  
"No. Why?"  
  
"It reeks."  
  
"It's Mexican." Vin defended.  
  
"That explains it."  
  
Vin scowled at Ezra, but remained silent as he thought of ways to get even with the southerner for insulting his choice of food. It shouldn't have surprised him though, seldom a day went by that the man wasn't critical of any food that actually tasted good, "It's better than the rabbit food you eat, Armani."  
  
Ezra smiled inwardly at Vin's oft used nickname for him.  
  
**************************************  
Bang. Shudder. And other such loud commotions  
**************************************  
  
The noise startled the four men in the elevator and Buck turned his eyes on the youngest member of the team.  
  
"I didn't do it." JD said defensively  
  
"You pushed the buttons, boy." Buck chided.  
  
"I believe, Buck, that this mechanical malfunction does indeed have nothing to do with Mr. Dunne."  
  
"Yeah." JD agreed.  
  
"Somebody call somebody." claustrophobic Vin said anxiously.  
  
"My phone is unfortunately residing on my desk at this moment." Ezra informed them.  
  
"Mine's in the car." Buck and JD said as one.  
  
Buck turned to his young cohort, "In the car? Kid how many times do I have to tell you- always keep your phone on you. You never can tell when you night need it."  
  
"You don't have yours either, idiot." JD argued.  
  
"What's your point? Buck answered lamely.  
  
JD rolled his eyes  
  
"I got mine," Vin interrupted putting down his bags to pull out his phone. He turned it on, but then looked up grinning sheepishly, "Damn battery."  
  
"Oh no. I cannot be stuck in this elevator with you buffoons." Ezra lamented. Then he shouted at the ceiling, "Get me out of here. This is cruel and unusual punishment."  
  
"Or you could just push the emergency button, Ezra." JD stated calmly  
  
"That was to be my next design."  
  
JD pushed the red button and alarm bells blazed, "Ya think Chris'll be mad?"  
  
*************  
  
  
Chris was on his feet and out his office door the minute the alarm rang out. Bomb? Fire? He looked around the bullpen and found only Nathan and Josiah. Where? "Oh." he groaned. Not a bomb or a fire. He'd lay odds that it was his four wayward agents that were behind the alarms, "If they aren't hurt or dead, I'm gonna kill them."  
  
Nathan and Josiah looked at their boss pitying the younger members of the team known as the Magnificent Seven.  
  
Chris stormed into the stairwell and down to the lobby to find out what was going on. If it wasn't one thing with those guys, it was another. He felt like a high school hall monitor sometimes with those four. Troublesome was an understatement with them. Yeah this is where the tax payers' money should be going. Pay a bunch of overgrown kids to pull pranks on each other and do who knows what else behind my back. If those idiots weren't so good at what they did... Each moment that passed and didn't produce any of Ezra, Buck, JD or Vin confirmed his fears. There was no question in his mind that his four "missing children" were behind the sounding alarm.  
  
*************  
  
  
They'd been stuck now for twenty minutes, and in Ezra's humble opinion, that was nineteen minutes too long. Ezra was rummaging through his briefcase looking fo something to occupy his mind. JD had stolen a pencil from said briefcase and was trying to balance it between his nose and upper lip. Buck kept grabbing the pencil everytime JD got it balanced, and complained about the call he was going to miss. Vin had originally tried to pace in the cramped space, but the others soon put an end to that. Now, Vin sat in a corner eating his lunch.   
  
After finishing the Mexican food, Vin turned to his brown paper bag.  
  
"Mwut ooh ga dare, Bin?" JD said from behind the balanced pencil.  
  
"Huh?" Vin asked.  
  
"I believe JD is inquiring about the contents of your bag." Ezra translated.  
  
"I told ya, kid. Snacks." Vin answered.  
  
"At the mention of junk food, JD let the pencil drop and straightened up, "You gonna share?"  
  
Vin grinned then dumped the contents of the bag on the floor.  
  
Ezra raised one eyebrow at the pile of snacks, "All of these confections are for use as storage?"  
  
"I have a big drawer." Vin said defensively.  
  
"They're all melty." Buck complained taking interest.  
  
Vin picked up a through the pile, "They were in the car for a while. I didn't think I was gonna need them so soon."  
  
"It is absolutely amazing that you three are able to keep in decent shape, considering the amount of sugar, fat, and preservatives you inhale into your bodies." Ezra drawled.  
  
JD rummaged through the pile. He looked up at Vin who had found a package of small white powdered doughnuts. "Ooooh. Can I have those?" he pleaded with his best puppy dog eyes.  
  
Vin hated those eyes, "Not all of 'em. And quit it with the eyes thing." He opened the package and threw one of the miniature doughnuts at his young friend.  
  
Buck tried to catch it and steal it from JD, but it bounced off of his hands and landed on Ezra's pant leg and fell to the ground. Ezra stared at the distinct ring of sugar on his charcoal pants. After a minute of tense silence, Ezra picked up the offending pastry, dropped it onto Buck's head, and pressed down. He stepped back from his work grinning.  
  
"Dammit Ezra, clothes are one thing, but thou shalt not mess with a brother's hair. You just don't do that to a man." Buck put down the rest of the candy bar he'd been eating and, standing, patted Ezra's arm with chocolatey fingers, leaving behind a smear of brown.  
  
The two stood glaring at each other and JD tried to smooth things over, but his efforts were not well recieved by either party.  
  
"Shut up, JD." the two combatants said as one. For emphasis, Ezra flicked him on his forehead.  
  
"Don't tell him to shut up." Buck shouted at Ezra.  
  
"I can take care of myself, Buck," JD warned, "Ezra don't tell me to shut up."  
  
But Ezra ignored the kid, "And if I don't do as you so kindly requested?"  
  
Buck glared at the southerner and picked up the half eaten candy bar, "I'll do this." He put it inside the pocket of Ezra's suit and smashed.  
  
Ezra was livid and picked up a package of the pink coconut covered marshmallow Vin liked so much and smashed them into Wilmington.  
  
"'Ey! I was gonna eat those." Vin cried, throwing Cheetos at the undercover agent, leaving tiny orange marks on his already damaged suit.  
  
JD, who had quietly grabbed a pack of gum and popped several peices in his mouth, now stuck the huge blob to one corner of Ezra's jacket. Then he folded it up, sticking the end together with the middle. It gradually fell, leaving a string of gum securely stuck to the coat. "That's for flickin' me."  
  
By this time, a full fledged war broke out. No one was on anyone's side, it was every man for himself. JD used the cream from some twinkies to paint on Buck's jeans (he ate the cake part). Vin continued to throw various food at everyone, but like JD ate as much as he gave. Buck and Ezra mainly focused on each other and also caused the most damage, choosing to smash and grind things instead of merely tossing. Soon the food was gone. Some of it remained on the men, but most of it ended up on the floor in an unappetizing heap.  
  
"Well, Ezra said looking at the floor, "it seems that we have exhausted our supply of consumable ammunition."  
  
"Guess so." Buck replied.  
  
Then the elevator shuddered and resumed it's upward course. The filthy agents looked at each other worriedly and at the shape of the elevator.  
  
"Now I know Chris'll be mad about this." JD predicted.  
  
***********************  
  
The elevator stopped on their floor and Chris waited for the door to open. When it did, his eyes opened wide at the state of his agents and the interior of the elevator. Nathan and Josiah stood behind their leader, poorly concealing their mirth at the situation. Chris stood at the door of the elevator, giving the messy quartet "the glare" for so long, the doors slowly slid shut again.  
  
Nathan jumped forward to hit the button and reopen the doors, not wanting to miss this for the world. "I got it boss." he said breaking into a grin.  
  
Chris saw the amusement and turned his glare on the ex-paramedic, "You enjoying this?"  
  
"No." Nathan assured, his face turning serious again and he nodded as he stepped back next to Josiah.  
  
Chris turned his attention back to the elevator, "Buck push the stop button." He waited until his command was followed before continuing, "My office,"then he realized he didn't want the sticky men anywhere near any of his stuff, "make that the conference room. NOW."  
  
They four snapped into action, carefully stepping out of the elevator.   
  
As Buck walked past Chris, he felt his oldest friend's eyes follow him, "What?"  
  
Chris had to bite his lip so as not to laugh, "Why do you have 'JD's Ho' written across your butt?"  
  
Buck growled, turning to his snickering roommate and cuffing him on the back of the head effectively knocking the newspaperboy cap off his head.  
  
Ezra, in his Ferragamo loafers, slipped in the gooey mess and fell on his rear right in the middle of it. His eyes went wide in mortification of what had happened.  
  
Buck, JD, and Vin froze and despite their certain impending doom, burst into laughter. Nathan and Josiah soon joined in. Even Chris almost lost his battle to remain stern-faced, but his desire to make them squirm hardened his resolve. Ezra mustered up all of his dignity and walked into the conference room, head held high.  
  
*****************  
  
"I can't leave you alone for five minutes," Chris' tirade began, "How did this crap start?"  
  
No one spoke.  
  
"Answer me, dammit." Chris shouted.  
  
JD spoke up, "Well Chris,"  
  
"Shut up when I'm talkin' to you." Chis continued, "You guys help make up a team that is the best at what we do. I get request from all sorts of people wanting to steal you guys away. Vin, you can hit anything from any yardage. Ezra, your the best undercover agent on either side of the Mississippi. JD you can make computers sit up and beg. And Buck? Well, you can score with women like nobody's business and you can be my backup anyday."  
  
"Mr. Larabee, "the offended Ezra interrupted, "I've been known to turn a few heads in my time. I merely refrain from pushing my southern charm onto the fairer sex. My standards are also higher than Mr. Wilmington. Female and breathing, just doesn't do it for me."  
  
"Yeah, cowboy." Vin chimed in, "I got no problem gettin' a date either."  
  
"Well doesn't mean that you're any kind of match for 'el Buck'." Buck defended.  
  
"I'm the only one with a real girlfriend fellas," JD reminded them, "You guys may be able to pick up girls, but keeping them is a whole other thing."  
  
Chris pinched the bridge of his nose to ward off the headache forming as the four stooges, argued over who was the biggest chick magnet, "QUIET!"  
  
The four heads snapped into attention.  
  
"This is what I'm talkin' about. You're great ATF agents, but personally you're all seriously screwed up. I'm so sick of playing babysitter to grown men. I'm going to explain the elevator to AD Travis. When I get back, I expect you to be cleaning it up. I want it spotless by the time you leave here tonight, or you won't leave. I don't want to hear it Ezra. You will 'engage in menial labor' this time." Chris help up his hand to ward off the coming protests. Then he stormed out of the room- seriously contemplating asking for a change of assignment to Nepal.  
  
*****************  
  
The elevator cleaning was well under way when Chris got back. He grinned evilly at 'the fear of Larabee' he'd instilled in his men. He went back to his office and shut the door.  
  
All was quiet for about half a minute.  
  
"DAMMIT! I WILL KILL YOU ALL. I AM DRAWING MY GUN AT THIS VERY MOMENT AND I AM COMING TO KILL YOU ALL." came a roar from inside of Chris' office.  
  
The four smiled and Vin unlocked the elevator. Embarrasing maybe, but it would certainly be safer to finish the cleaning on another floor.  
  
Ezra waved to Josiah and Nathan as the doors slid shut, grinning at the fact that they alone would have to deal with an irate and wet Chris Larabee. "Menial Labor indeed. Revenge is sweet, my friends." he said happily to his partners in crime.  
  
  
  
THE END 


End file.
